Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
