i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize