she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
