Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
