the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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