he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
