she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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