I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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