and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
