i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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