Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is my gift to your gina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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