It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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