you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
