There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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