I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love having hate sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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