i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
try to milk me bitch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
