There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
