Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
