First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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