its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
