And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
