I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
