I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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