the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
