im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
