is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
