hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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