dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
