just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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