I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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