i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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