Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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