last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
