if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
