best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
