That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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