We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
