Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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