trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Small penises have feelings too.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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