with your own penis?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
