There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
