She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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