Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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