Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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