When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
pop tarts are not kleenex
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
