sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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