last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
