sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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