I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What drink are we having for lunch?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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