I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
