Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
