we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
