In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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