He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize