She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
