I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
