A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
