she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
