Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
