you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
