so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
