She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize