I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
