My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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