I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
