i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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