can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
