I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
