I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
