I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need water and some morals
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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