Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
